我了解
我明白
我知道
我清楚

我伤心
我失望
我难过
我痛失

我不笑
我不哭
我不想
我不要

崩溃

请别再伤害我了，我已经遍体鳞伤了。

...

been thinking lately about life and future

so afraid to step out from the comfort zone

reality is always ugly and harsh

haunted me recently

am i ready for it yet

uncertainties and doubts

so overwhelmed

turn to be coward all of a sudden

lied to myself every single day

just wish to run away

tomorrow is just another day

goodnight and think later

Bye 2011 and hello 2012

end of year 2011

what you have done

remember what you set for the new year's resolution

is the list all checked and cleared

have you set for the new targets and goals

what are you going to be in 2012

believe that through our efforts, we can make a difference in our lives of another by becoming a better listener not a master in solving another's problem

words of encouragement go a lot further than offering solutions that may or may not work

life is not made up of story problems to solve, but daily challenges to overcome and lessons to learn

may we each strive to become better listeners, spreading love and kindness to our companion

it wouldn't be new year if i didn't have regrets

i learnt and mistakes made will not be repeated again

been deeply wounded for 2011

it's time to stitch it back

thanks for those whom i loved and loved me

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Confession of the broken heart

The heart is aching.
The mind is out.
The soul is stolen.
I'm ready to cry.

Vexation, agitation, disappointment, hatred...

You caused me to feel so.
I don't want it.

Numb.
Thank you so much for treating me like this.
I believe I don't deserve this.

Time to say goodbye.

Confession of sin

At this point of time, I feel like giving myself bitch slap.
This is the worst feeling ever, and it disgusts me hell much.
Why like this? Why am I doing this?
The most sober time is when I'm awake from the dizziness and the after alcohol effect.
I can actually see my ugly face, the true color, the worst me.
I want to stop all the nonsense. As much as the unwillingness, I still have to do it.
The sinner's sin, the ridiculous me.

Pain in the arse!

Do you know how tough it is to hold your tears even though your heart has broken into pieces?
Do you know how to pretend you are fine but in fact you already lost your heart and mind?
Do you know how suffering it is when you lost someone's trust?
Do you know once you are dead, troubles gone!

How I wish to end my life now rather than facing you now?


Go fuck yourself!

...

名字改得不好，運就會有差
平常不做虧心事，可是厄運總是跟隨著
待人處事都謹慎，惡人非要找碴
總覺得事事都不是很順利
心想一定不會事成，倒頭來就是一場空

I always learn it in a hard way.
The bad experiences told me what to do in the future.
I learn to be smart from the mistakes made previously.
What I want and how I get it, the 'things' I want which will make me happy and satisfied.
Even this, I'm still learning, learn to earn people's respect.

Ridiculous post after shit happened. I have no idea what myself is typing. I just want to write.
Hope it's a goodnight for me.
Xoxo...

Ding dong

Hola! At last I logged in to update. It's been a while since I think and write! Been lifeless recently, no idea what myself doing right now. All I could think of is holiday and vacation. Oppsss.... Both means the same, ain't? Hatyai on April, Redang Island on July, Malacca on August, what else on this month? See... Holiday again! What to do, been pampering myself much, life's too short, enjoy first, worry later!

August is a pretty tough month. Struggling for what I should achieve and accomplish, hmmm... Luck still isn't with me as yet! Celebrated my birthday by spending family a pork feast, not to mention, expensive of course! Well, that's what I should do, right? Thanks papi for the facial course in return, compared to my last few months dull face, I'm kinda delighted with the result now *ignore the scars*....

Other than that, nothing much I could share.... See, lifeless isn't it? Oh right, Polo GTI is the bomb! Reasonable price, cheap road tax, high speed, body and specifications pretty awesome, most importantly, it's Volkswagen baby! *puppy eyes*! Lexus CT200H and IS250, aiming one of those too! Hot hot hot! They are so hot, so irresistible! Wait for me, I'm gonna get you soon!

*slapped* Back to reality! Signing off! Ciao! Good night!

Anticipating the new life

One day an opportunity came, I hesitated at first. But then again, I should be saying why not be? Since it approached me, I shall take this chance to prove to myself. There is something we shouldn't been thinking too much. Way too ahead, chances will flow, things won't get right. I believe this is a test, to see if I could be a great leader. Still young, why not give myself a try? At least I tried, then I won't regret thereafter. Succeed or not, it doesn't matter. Life is short anyway...

Thanks God for giving me such a great opportunity! You heard my prayers. Another step nearer to realise my dream, not just dreaming of my dream.

*Seize it, make it happen!*

Good night with love. XOXO!

我的告白

有一种特殊的男女關係－不止是朋友，也不是情人。

曾經有個親密好友，每天都很期待他傳來的簡訊，因為只有他的關心才能讓我感到安穩。
總覺得自己在很不如意的時侯，有人噓寒問暖，關懷和愛護，感覺很實在。
大家互相關心問候，慢慢的訴說心事，他也開始成為了我的知己。

很慶幸有如此愛護自己的人，明白我的心，當時的我也沒有把自己藏在灰暗世界，因為已經有人在聆聽著我的聲音。
天妒我幸福，拿走了他對我的關懷和愛護。他不再關心我了，對我也敷衍了事。
沮喪！失望！沒了。。。都完了！失去了這位曾經是我的知心好友。

到如今我仍然很愛他，想念他曾經陪我渡過的灰暗期，一切一切。。。
雖然不再像以前那樣，但是他永遠都會留在我心裡，不會忘了他曾對我的好！

在每個人的角落，永遠都會有段刻骨銘心的故事和特別人物。你有嗎？

stronger and better

I promised, I will be stronger and better.
I promised, I will be more independent.
I promised, I will make my dreams come true.
I promised, I will be a successful woman.
I promised, I will not let myself down!

If you think you can, you sure can!

its been a while

Life isn't easy as ABC. I'm feeling so weak, for all the things I have been through. Couldn't be imagined what I would turn to be. After all these bad things happened again and again, I beg for no more. Am I too greedy or just that I was taking it too seriously? I don't know... I'm lost, it feels like sailing in the sea without direction, it feels like running for never ending marathon... Though it shall be god's arrangement, to test me, to let me go through the hard way. Whatever it is, I need a slap badly! To wake me up from the comfort zone, to remind me the sinister world, to pick up the pace and compete with the better ones.

Tired of being so-called care-less person. It reminds me more, what I shall be doing instead of thinking nothing and being lifeless!

its been a while

Life isn't easy as ABC. I'm feeling so weak, for all the things I have been through. Couldn't be imagined what I would turn to be. After all these bad things happened again and again, I beg for no more. Am I too greedy or just that I was taking it too seriously? I don't know... I'm lost, it feels like sailing in the sea without direction, it feels like running for never ending marathon... Though it shall be god's arrangement, to test me, to let me go through the hard way. Whatever it is, I need a slap badly! To wake me up from the comfort zone, to remind me the sinister world, to pick up the pace and compete with the better ones.

Tired of being so-called care-less person. It reminds me more, what I shall be doing instead of thinking nothing and being lifeless!

累

心被伤得有够彻底
无奈已变成绝望
觉得很寂寞
心在哭泣
有人明白我的心声吗？

人生不如意的事十常八九
可是我真的受够了
失意的时候还会生病发烧
天还会跟我开玩笑

唉！
心很痛啊！

Grievances

I've been working in this company for more than half a year. I thought i couldn't stay any longer than 6 months, still working for the slightly higher pay than the normal freshgrads :( A bunch of idiots from THEIR country are all so-called director level. If i were to be paid like them, mostly probably my job responsibilities will be very wide. Why are they doing nothing but just cleaning the shoes of boss? Just because they all carrying the blue passports and of course with attached expat's visa? I seriously couldn't stand for it, sooner or later, i'll be like the volcano from indonesia, ERUPTION! I'm waiting for the right time to go... God please hear my prayers and lead me to the brighter path, the right one. Fingers crossed and hope for the greater future. One day i shall hear from myself- i love my job; not everyday wake up hating the job bits by bits... Stop complaining and off to bed, back to the war zone tomorrow. Didn't i mention that my boss dislikes me to take medical leave, this is funny, who wants to fall sick?

Busy bee

A lil too lifeless nowadays

Always been busy at work

Nothing but work

Easily fall asleep when i was resting on the couch

Even if stuck in the traffic jam

STRESSED!
At times i thought of giving up

As in not going to work anymore

BE QUEEN at HOME!

But to think it in the other way

I COULD BE MORE LIFELESS

I'm looking forward the trip

Long awaiting trip

Pending for so long

WISH & DREAM

OCTOBER please come!

I'm rotting already

I MISS THE HOLIDAYS I USED TO HAVE

AND I WISH TO HAVE NOW!

人为梦想而长大

Sometimes life isn't about money, career or relationship. I tried so hard to be the ideal person, for myself of course! Everyone has dreams and wishes, this is why we would make wishes before blowing off the candles. Surely we have dreams to drive us further in our lives, to keep on going because we believe one day, dreams will come true. I'm still going strong, with the presence of family and friends. I appreciate the guardian angels, god's blessings, loves which sprinkle around me. Me still me, even though i never show it, doesn't mean i don't care. I'm still the passionate, kind-hearted Gwen. Life is a bed of roses with spikes, i learn from time to time. I still will go through the rocky roads, obstacles ahead. I won't be as emotional as i used to be, it deviates me from being reasonable. Gwen, tougher you can think :)

我的人生目标还是有一段遥远的距离。我会为自己而加倍努力！

Speechless

Let bygones be bygones.
Let it just go with the flow.
Let it be...
I'm out of the game.

Life n me

Still going strong, still going on!
Several times i planned to leave.
Staying here isn't great.
Knowledge nil, experience nil.
Advise given, opinion given.
Look into a bigger picture.
See things in long run.
I stay!
Miracle does happen, i believe.

他或它？
我选择了它。
因为它才能给我幸福快乐。
因为他带给我麻烦与约束。
还是觉得它最好！

当下

搞不清楚
动摇的心
忘了宗旨
舍去原则
行动不一
优柔寡断

忘了
乱了
疯了

再也不明白

不想
不盼
不要

一切顺其自然
总会有明月照亮
柳暗花明